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PPC4

Page history last edited by Kippur 10 years, 2 months ago

As Verra walked to room 3b she hummed a little tune to keep herself distracted. She had just come back from seeing the Daisy and had been informed that while her husband was out on punishment she was going to have a new partner. She wondered who the person… individual would be. She had rather liked Joe, for a human, and wouldn’t mind being partnered up with him. Of course she heard that there were some Goddess Sues around and thought it might be interesting to pit Dragonic Wisdom against Sue-Goddess wisdom. In her experience killing the other tended to solve most problems.

 

With those thoughts she opened up the door to find the last person in the Multiverse she wanted to see. It was a pale human man with blue eyes and white blond hair. He was leaning back in her husband’s chair flipping through the instruction manual for the CAD. His name was Lorac and he was a Wizard from her continuum. Not only that but he was madly- insanely- in love with her husband. So in love that he had her killed in a later story that hadn’t been put into cannon yet.

 

“You…” she growled, her form starting to fluctuate towards her dragon self. Scales started to emerge on her skin and wings sprout on her back. “What are you doing here?”

 

Lorac looked up at her completely nonchalant. “You didn’t actually think that Up Stairs would send some one you could work with did you?”

 

Her finger’s flexed and it looked she was going to jump and maul him. Fortunately for Lorac the computer started playing Beethoven’s seventh symphony. Instead she jabbed a finger at him. “After this is done, I’m going to kill you. Slowly.”

 

Lorac gave her a beautiful smile. “You know you can’t do that. It would break Alec’s heart,” he said standing up to read the words.

 

“You certainly didn’t have that problem.” Verra snapped back and threw him his pack far more roughly than needed. Lorac grunted under the impact. He then gave her a nasty lunatic smile before turning to the computer and setting their disguises.

 

“Come on, the sooner we get this done, the sooner we can get rid of each other,” he said. He paused and flashed her his lunatic smile again, “Or at least I can get rid of you.” Growling again, Verra strode through the portal. Lorac followed her.

 

They found themselves in a nondescript landscape. They couldn’t tell if they were inside or outside. In a field or on a mountain or under the sea. It was so gray that they couldn’t even see themselves properly, although Verra felt a little shorter than usual. The words just started with:

 

"Lets face it were lost," mumbled Draco Malfoy, a student that will soon be attending Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

There was a slight scrunching noise in the limbo world that Verra and Lorac were in as the words shifted from past to present tense and then back again.

 

"Its no wonder the owl never returned with the girls reply," added Lucius Malfoy, the father of Draco.

“What are they doing in the middle of Nowhere.” Verra said to herself. She had decided she wasn’t speaking to Lorac. Lorac shrugged.

 

“He looks like we could be related, doesn’t he.”

 

“Well you both are evil mass murdering bastards.”

 

“You wound me.”

 

Headmistress Minerva McGonagall asked, "What's her name again?"

"Anais Evenstar." answered Headmaster Albus Dumbledore.

Verra ignored him and started writing out the charge list. For some reason her fingers weren’t working as well as they should be. And now that she thought of it her voice was a bit on the squeaky side. The story continued onward with out them as the randomly assembled group of Harry Potter characters realized that they were missing two of their members. The story threw the unwilling partners to where Snape and Quirrell happened to be. This time there was some scenery. It was a tree. One single lone tree. However the tree provided enough illumination that Verra was able to see what was the matter with her fingers and voice.

 

Lorac had set her disguise as a House Elf. She glanced at the psycho wizard to see that he looked much as he normally did, the only difference being that he was now wearing a robe of soft gray fabric.. She was wearing a tea towel toga with Lorac’s family crest on it. Eyes narrowing she looked like she was about to tackle Lorac but seeing Snape and Quirrell stopped her, reminding her that she had a job to do. She could deal with Lorac later.

 

Meanwhile Professor Satero Quirrell and Professor Severus Snape were not far away. Stopping to catch their breath, they heard footsteps, but these were no ordinary footsteps. They were deep and made the ground shake. The Professors quickly hid behind a tree, but that did them no good. Two monstrous, deformed creatures leaped at them. With little effort one held Quirrell to the ground, its large hands wrapped tightly around his neck. His face grew pale and him body fell limp. Professor Snape reached for his wand, but when the other creature slapped him across the face causing Snape's wand to fall to the ground, which the monster picked up curiously, but in an instant Snape heard a spell being cast. "Accio wand!" It was a ladies voice, but not Professor McGonagall‘s, it was one he had never heard before.

Verra winced as the multiple voices that were singular spoke the spell. She jabbed a finger in one bat like ear and jingled it. Removing it she found a load of ear wax. Disgusted, she rubbed it on Lorac’s robe. He didn’t notice. Instead he seemed to be focused on the out of character action that was going on between the characters and the Sue.

 

“Be a dear and hand me the CAD, would you?” He said with out looking at her. Because of the magic of the House elves, Verra found herself compelled to obey. However she had enough resistance to be able to throw it at him, knocking him in the head. He ignored it and watched as the Sue made her actual entrance.

 

Snape’s wand flew from the creatures hand to hers.

The creature suddenly got of Quirrell and ran off with the other.

“I’m sorry. But what the hell does that mean?” Verra said. Lorac shrugged.

 

“Add it to the charge list will you,” he said. She blew a razzberry at him but wrote it down.

 

Snape just stared at her fully taking in her appearance. She was wearing a mint green dress that fell loosely to the ground and a forest green cloak the same length. Her hair was of chestnut and fell to her shoulders shimmering.

“Ain’t she the pretty one.” Lorac said without any interest at all. His eyes did linger on Snape though. The Sue didn’t notice them despite the fact that they were standing in a forest with only one tree.

 

"Are you hurt?" she asked approaching Snape.

"No, I'm fine. My name is Professor Severus Snape."

The young lady smiled, "Anais Evenstar," She held out Snape's wand out to him. Not knowing why, he was quite surprised by her action.

Verra snorted, “Perhaps because she the embodiment of evil… next to you?” Lorac ignored her.

 

Seeing he did not fully trust her Anais slipped her own wand into the inside pocket of her cloak. "Its alright I'm unarmed." She assured him.

“As long as I don’t take my wand out of my cloak again.” Verra continued, mimicking the Sue’s voice. Lorac turned to her and told her to hush.

 

Snape took his wand and replaced it inside his black robes. Remembering Quirrell, Snape ran to him.

"Who is he?" asked Anais, recognizing the look of concern in Snape’s dark eyes. She had seen it many times in the past.

"He is Professor Satero Quirrell, a college of mine."

The two agents watched as the poor professor got turned into a large scholarly looking building with, in accordance to the Universal Rules of Comedy, a turban on top. “That was good,” Verra continued, ignoring Lorac. “And I love the bit about noticing the bit of concern in Snape’s eyes because she had seen it before. Generally most individuals do see looks of concern on people’s faces, it’s a normal thing to do. Unless the have Autism…”

 

“Will you shut up!” Lorac snapped. Verra flashed him a grin. Normally it would have been quite frightening, disturbing even to see such a grin, but in her current look as a House Elf it merely looked amusing. Lorac stepped on her foot. Eyes widening in pain, Verra started to hop around while cursing in Dragonic. Lorac meanwhile turned his attention back to the Sue who had just preformed some Elven Magic to heal the stricken professor.

 

“How’d you do that?” asked Snape.

“Its Elven magic.” said Anais as Quirrell managed to open his eyes. He found himself staring into Anais's glittering eyes.

"Do you feel alright?” Snape asked. “Miss Evenstar saved you.” Quirrell managed to sit up (with Snapes help).

Lorac sighed as like the Multiple Man, Snape multiplied and helped Quirrell sit up and then, once again like the Multiple Man, the Snapes all vanished back into the original. The agent shook his head and muttered, “You need to learn to watch your possessives, M’dear.”

 

“And now she’s going to get all mysterious.” Verra growled coming back near Lorac, but staying out of foot range.

 

"W-w-what was t-that thing?" stuttered Quirrell.

Slowly Anais answered, "They are the Uruk-hai. Many roam Middle Earth. How they came to be I will not say, but you must be careful for they don't know pain nor fear."

Snape asked, "If they don't know fear, then why did they run away when they saw you?"

Anais shrugged, "I do not know. For it is my friends and family they are after. I was certain they would kill me too.”

Snape was confused, “Why would they want to kill your family and friends?”

Anais began to walk away. “I must take my leave. I’ve already said too much.”

Verra waved her hand airily, “Yes, go please, never come back,” She paused, “No, wait come back, I don’t want to hurt you I just want to eat you!”

 

Suddenly Draco, Lucius, and Professors Dumbledore and McGonagall came rushing through the trees wands ready (except Draco for he had not learned any magic yet).

"Are you two alright?" asked Professor McGonagall, seeing Quirrells pale white face and Snapes face that had a thin gash with blood trickling from it.

"E-e-everythings under c-c-control Headmistress" stuttered Quirrell nervously.

Anais giggled, "Yeah thanks to me." The others looked curiously at her.

Snape snickered, "She's right is it wasn't for her we'd be dead." Snape told them how they were attacked by the Uruk-hai and how one had taken Snape's wand and the other had strangled Quirrell. The ones who had not witnessed it were astonished the young lady had saved them and also that she was the one they were in search of. Anais had learn alone more spells and enchantments then most third years being taught.

“First off all Snape doesn’t snicker.” Verra paused, “None of him. Second of all if she’s so talented why does she need to go to school in the first place?”

 

Again they heard rustling in the trees. Thinking it was another Uruk-hai they drew out their wands, but it wasn't a Uruk-hai it was an elf (but only Anais knew this. The others knew only of small, grubby house elves). He wore all green, like Anais, and also had long strait hair like her, only blonde.

Lorac snickered at the grubby house elf comment.

 

“And number three, of course they must know what an elf is, first of all they’re were just talking to one, term used loosely and they are obviously somehow in contact with Middle Earth for her to get the Owl to come to the school.” Verra said, picturing what Lorac and the Sue would look like together in a large cooking dish. “And four it’s s-t-r-a-i-g-h-t not s-t-r-a-i-t.”

 

"Anais where have you been? Your father has been worried sick!" The Elf tried to take her by the arm, but she pulled away.

"Tell me something I don't know, Legolas!" Anais snapped.

“You know your not allowed out of Rivendell! Not after you snuck off to Diaron Ali to get some silly spell books and a cauldron." Legolas stepped forward.

"Its Diagon Alley and there not silly books. There my school supplies for Hogwarts!" Anais said calmly.

"Your not going!" Legolas tried to take her by the arm again, but Snape pulled her behind him.

"And whose going to stop her? You?" said Snape coldly.

Verra rolled her eyes, “Of course he is, even with my low opinion of elves he could take you single handed, with out even resorting to his weapons.” Her eyes brightened at a sudden thought and she turned to Lorac, “Hey Loony, did you know that Alec lusts after Legolas?” Lorac’s face paled at this, mouth dropping in disbelief, heart on the verge of breaking.

 

“He couldn’t…” he said, leaning up against a tree in the newly revealed forest. Verra shook her head and laughed, before turning back to the words.

 

"Who are you?" asked Legolas.

"I am Professor Severus Snape. I will be Miss Evenstar’s Potions Master at Hogwarts."

Legolas leaned against a tree and looked at Anais. "Does this mean your not coming back to Rivendell at all?"

Neither of the Agents decided to mention out loud the fact that Legolas capitulated too easily to the Sue’s wants and for the stupidest reasons.

 

Anais sighed, "I have to go back. I cannot leave without telling Arwen good-bye. Plus I must get Kewina and my school books."

Draco looked at her puzzled, "Arwen? Kewina?"

Anais walked over to Draco (still keeping an eye on Legolas), " Arwen is my older sister and Kewina is my kitten."

Legolas shook his head. “Your father won't like you leaving. Besides what if something is to happen to Lady Arwen? If she dies your to marry Lord Aragorn and become Queen of Gondor….”

Anais interrupted, "Gondor! The world of men! Pure men are weak and you know it, Legolas! I will never help protect them if it means I'm to marry Aragorn. I do love him with all my heart, but not as my sister does. I am only 11, an infant compared to you and Arwen. Remember, my cousin, I am an Elvish child. I have to much too live up to as it is. Everyone expects so much of me being a daughter of Elrond, Arwen’s sister, Lady Galadriel’s great granddaughter, Tranduil’s niece..” She looked over to Professor Snape and her new friends and added, "And now I am to become a witch. That will be the only thing I‘ll have truly to myself. Besides I don‘t even live with my father in Rivendell. I live with Lord Celeborn in Lothlorien. If anyone should not like me going it should be Celeborn! Still I know he will not stopped me!"

“Did you understand that?” Lorac asked Verra, “Because I didn’t. And who’s Tranduil and why is he even important? And how are the Wizards,” he coughed at the word, “Her new friends if they just met?”

 

“Lorac, Sue Logic. Sue Logic, Lorac.” Verra said.

 

“That whole debacle with the witch and the duck made more sense than what she just said.”

 

Professor McGonagall put a hand on her shoulder to calm her, "Lets go to your sister."

On the way to Rivendell Legolas talked none and Anais only talked to Snape discussing what potions that the first years would learn (potions were the only thing she hadn't tried on her own since she didn't have the ingredients).

Verra and Lorac trailed silently behind the group, not bothering to ask how going to Rivendell suddenly became as easy as talking a small walk. They also had reached an unspoken agreement that they weren’t going to try and kill each other… for the next little bit.

 

Soon they arrived to a beautiful village. It was built around a crystal clear lake, in the lake children were splashing about. The village was built tall and curved, with many balconies. They were a soft mint green with golden designs along the arches of the doors ways, markings like no other.

“No other what?” Verra said bitterly. “And since when was Rivendell a village

 

“Verra, Sue logic. Sue logic, Verra.”

 

Verra snorted. “I’d like to see if she burns as well as wood does.” The two of them hung back in the shadows of the trees watching as a man walked up to the group of Horribly Out of Character Wizards and the Sue. Verra wondered who the man was, until she realized that it was Lord Elrond. Legolas, who has suddenly appeared to have teleported next to Lord Elrond seemed to be afraid of Snape as he said that Elrond shouldn’t try and stop the Sue from leaving. And then for no reason at all, not a protest of argument, not an offering of welcome to the strangers or a decent plot contrivance like being called away, Legolas and Lord Elrond walked off. Verra and Lorac were almost struck dumb by the inanity of it all.

 

The Sue then lead the group of Wizards down to the lake. The agents watched as there was a pointless reuinion between her and Arwen. And then Anais ran into the woods. “It’s going to be a few hours until they find her,”

 

“Wonderful.”

 

“I know.” They waited patiently, Verra playing solitaire and Lorac reading, until the others got worried enough to go looking for her. They then followed Snape into forest where he easily found Anais and took her back to the others, including an extremely out of character Draco who had been worried about her.

 

"Excuse me I must go tell my father something." As her hurried off, her father, Lord Elrond, was already waiting for her under one of the magnificent arch ways .

“What does ‘as her hurried off’ mean?” Lorac asked.

 

“Who knows. Who cares. Is it done yet?”

 

“Almost.” Lorac promised.

 

"Daughter what am I going to do with you...." Lord Elrond tried to scold his daughter, but didn't get very far.

"Daddy, Saruman is in Rivendell!" Lord Elrond forgot all about punishing her.

The two agents stared at her in shock. How in all that was right in Tolkien could Saruman get into Rivendell without Elrond or any other elf around noticing? What sort of stupid plot device was this?

 

"Saruman? Are you sure?"

She nodded, "Yes Daddy. I've seen him. Well sort of. I was getting my school things from a cave I hid them in, but before I got there he attacked me. I had my wand, but he did it so quickly there was no time to do anything. The next thing I knew Professor Snape, my potions master, was kneeling over me."

What followed was a series of rapid scene shifts that left the two agents clinging against each other for balance and then when it stopped, reaching for the Bleeprin. They found themselves on the bridge where Draco was conveniently standing. .

 

"Hello Anais," he said quietly (which was quite different then how he usually talked).

"Hello Draco," she replied smiling. Anais stroked his face with her soft, delicate hand, ?Elen sila lûmenn' omentielvo,?- a star shines upon the hour of our meeting.

There was something very unusual about Elvish girls, for Anais did what Draco was hoping of ever since he first laid eyes on her. She kissed him. Anais released him from her embrace and took a step back

“Okay that… that… That…” Verra shook in fury.

 

?Lle ne?th Elessar.? The sweet sound of the Elvish tongue sound like music to Draco.

?What does that mean?? he asked. A man had walked onto the bridge and answered Draco?s question.

?What the hell? Lorac asked ?Where?d all the random question marks come from??

 

?It means you are the elf stone,? His voice was strong yet calming, ?She gives you the same name her sister gave to me many years ago.? Anais bowed her head to the man. ?Lord Aragorn,? Aragorn smiled, ?Hello, Anais. I have heard from Legolas that you said some things that would be ill news to my people. You hate man??

?Oh very intelligent that one. You hate men but are going to a school full of them?? Verra muttered, Blithely ignoring the fact that question marks were now in use instead of quotation marks.

 

Anais looked up at him in shame. ?I am sorry my Lord, but I do not wish to protect your people. Not after what they have done. Even though that was before your time.?

Aragorn took Anais?s hands in his. ?You need not say more, Elenrie. You will some day do great things, but it will not happen now or here.?

Verra started to go into Msting mode, but Lorac stopped her by putting his hand over her mouth. Instead she started to mutter rude things about Lorac, his heritage and his sexual prowess, or lack there of. Gamely Lorac ignored her.

 

Anais shook her head, ?How could you know that,? Aragorn pointed at a man clad in white and silver. He too looked much like Anais and Legolas, though he was, and looked older. His long, strait hair was a little darker then Legolas?s.

?Oh my it’s the how many people from Middle Earth can we fit into one section game.? Lorac said, still holding Verra’s mouth shut. Celeborn and the Sue talked for a moment and then somehow Celeborn handed her the one ring..

 

At this travesty Verra bit down hard on Lorac’s palm. Stubby teeth or not, she made an impression and the man let out a painful yelp. A yelp loud enough to gather the poor people’s attention to them.

 

?Where did you come from?? Anais asked.

 

?Your worst nightmare.? Verra answered, shedding the House Elf disguise and taking her true form as a very large and annoyed dragon. One hand, the size of a queen bed came down and grasped the Sue by the middle. So shocked by the appearance of the dragon, the cannon characters could do nothing but stare. Verra cleared her throat. ?Anais Evenstar you are here by being charged by the PPC, Protectors of the Plot Continuum as follows. For being a Mary Sue. For some how making Thranduil, and that is spelled T-H-R-A-N-D-U-I-L, Galadriel’s son, thus making Galadriel a cheating whore, for cruelty to the English Language. For making Evenstar a last name. For make Arwen’s marriage to Aragon not a choice and show of true love but an onerous duty. For insinuating that Arwen could die before giving up her immortality. For grievously wrecking the characters of McGonagal, Snape, Qurriell, Draco, Luscious, Dumbledore, Legolas, Aragon, Arwen, Elrond. For putting me in limbo and then in a forest with only one tree. For being unneeded mysteriousness. For random Orcs, for having Saruman running around Rivendell for no particular reason. For having Legolas capitulate to your demands for no particular reason, for having Legolas and Elrond leave for no particular reason, for have Celeborn be around for no particular reason. For taking away the significance of Aragon being Elessar. For making me have to put up with Lorac for gods knows how long, and for strange punctuation and sentences. For all this and more you are sentenced to die.? Verra took a deep breath, and then blew it over the Sue the air smelled like sulfur for a moment and the Sue fainted, ?Lorac be a doll and get rid of the Potter people so we can be on our way.”

 

Staring up at Verra it took Lorac second to realize what the dragon had said. ?Sure…? he said finally. Then turning to the Potter-Verse characters, he carefully directed them away from the very large an annoyed dragon. It wasn’t very hard to round up the others. Dumbledore was waiting for them, it seemed like he had a vague idea of what had happened. After nuralizing them and sending them on their merry way he came back to where Verra was still sitting, Sue in Claw. Celeborn and Aragorn had made no effort to free her although Celeborn had struck up a conversation with Verra about dragon society.

 

“Well they’re gone. What are we going to do with her?” Lorac asked, tucking his sunglasses back in his pocket after he nuralized the Elf lord and King to Be. Verra gave him a nasty smile. And this time it had the proper effect.

 

“Well she wants to be a witch so much…” she said, changing back into her human form, holding her hand out for the portal thingy. Lorac handed it over. Verra pushed a few buttons and the portal opened up.

 

“I never realized witch burning could be so amusing,” Lorac said as he stepped through the portal from a random Medieval village and back into room 3b.

 

“Oh their gads of fun.” Verra answered, coming in after him. The portal shut behind them and an awkward silence fell. Now that the shared hatred of the Sue was gone the old antagonism was quickly coming back. After all they were both in love with the same man, who wasn’t too sure who he was in love, but was certain that he loved both of them, never mind the fact that he was married to one of them and the other one had destroyed an entire city just for him. And if you could understand that sentence you’re one step a head of them because they weren’t at all sure what to do with each other, knowing that their mutual love interest would be heart broken if anything happened to either of them. However there was nothing in the unspoken rules about seriously injuring the other and Lorac was coming to realize that he was alone in a room with a dragon.

 

A very large and violent dragon.

 

“You know what,” Lorac said, “I just remembered that I forgot to sign some papers somewhere…Lovely working with you, give my love to Alec…” and he sidled out of the room.

 

“Bye to you too.” Verra said smugly as she sat down in her chair. After a significant look at the computer, she picked up the latest issue of Better Homes and began to read.

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